What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

What! how could you do that?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

What is the most overrated pleasure? Why?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Why do men like women gold diggers?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Do you know what she said mum?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Do you think all these charges that have been brought against Trump are just a coincidence? If he was such a big threat why did they wait 3 years to bring these charges? Or is this all just election interference?

True - how I loved my mum!

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What do you mean son?

How should an atheist respond to a religious person who asks, "Why do you hate God?" What are some appropriate and inappropriate ways to answer this question?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”